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Oil & Wedding Dress Humor


cbr046
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It seems to be a constant quest for Walmart $13 / gal Rotella T4.  The good old days are . . . well, they're just gone.  But I keep searching, running to the back of every Walmart store I enter and perusing various selling sites.  Just for fun I'll read reviews on just about anything.  It's a retirement thing.

Found these reviews for T4 on Amazon -

Quote
When this gigantic bottle of oil arrived at my door, I opened the box and a handlebar mustache immediately grew out. I then put this liquid sensation in my Honda 300 and strapped on my nicest pair of rustlers. I popped a dip of snuff in and took my ole 300 down to the store for some scratchoffs and a busch light. I walked in and my exwife was pullin the midnight shift. She left me about a year ago cuz she said since i couldn't grow a full mustache she was gonna find a man that could. She immediately clocked out when she saw the dark amber cover of fur on my upper lip. She hopped on the back of the 300 and grabbed holt of me and we took off into the night. All thanks to Shell Rotella!!!
79 people found this helpful

And this one (same set of reviews)

Quote
Before using this oil I could only wheelie my air cooled 250 dirt bike for nanoseconds. Now I wheelie effortlessly even through the White Castle drive through where my best friend’s ex-girlfriend used to work before she developed an attitude.
5 people found this helpful

Conclusion - Based on these expert reviewers Rotella T4 must be good stuff. 

One review I'll never forget, from eBay 2004.  And no, I wasn't in the market. 

Quote
One Slightly Used Size 12 Wedding Gown. Only worn twice: Once at the wedding and once for these pictures.

Make: Victoria
Style: 611
Size: 12

Divorce forces sale

I found my ex-wife's wedding dress in the attic when I moved. She took the $4000 engagement ring but left the dress. I was actually going to have a dress burning party when the divorce became final, but my sister talked me out of it.  She said, "That’s such a gorgeous dress. Some lucky girl would be glad to have it. You should sell it on EBay. At least get something back for it."  So, this is what I’m doing. I’m selling it hoping to get enough money for maybe a couple of Mariners tickets and some beer. This dress cost me $1200 that my drunken sot of an ex-father-in-law swore up and down he would pay for but didn’t so I got stuck with the bill. Luckily I only got stuck with his daughter for 5 years. Thank the Lord we didn't have kids.  If they would have turned out like her or her family I would have slit my wrists.  Anyway, it’s a really nice dress as you can see in the pictures.  Personally, I think it looks like a $1200 shower curtain, but what do I know about this.  We tried taking pictures of this lovely white garment but it didn’t look right on the hanger as you can see, so my sister says, "You need a model."  Well, quite frankly my sister isn’t exactly small, (like a size 12 is?) so she wouldn’t pose for the picture.  Seeing as I have sworn off women for the time being and I ain’t friends with any, it left me holding the bag.  I took the liberty of blacking out my face - not to protect the ex-wife but to protect me from my bar buddies and co-workers finding out about it.  I would never live it down. Actually I didn’t think my head would fit in the neck hole, but then I figured she got her Texas cheerleader hair through there I could get my head in it.  Though, after looking at the pictures, I thought it made me look fat.  How do you women wear this crap? I only had to walk 3 feet and I tripped twice. Don’t worry ladies - I am wearing clothes on underneath it.  I gotta say it did make me feel very pretty.  So if it can make me feel pretty, it can make you feel pretty, especially on the most important day of your life, right?  Anyway, I was told to say it has a train and a veil and all kinds of shiny beady things.  I think it's funny that one picture makes it look like the chest plate off an Imperial Storm Trooper. Did I mention that all I want is a ball game and beer?  Cheap at twice the price.  Ladies, you won’t regret this.  You may regret the dude you marry but not the dress.

ebaygown

On the flip side of that, I have taken offense to some of the people that told me I’m ugly and a loser. All I have to say is you’d be ugly too if you had a huge white blotch on your face. And as far as being a loser, I think you have it all wrong. I am such the winner. It isn’t every day an average guy can make 50,000 people laugh. Thanks to each and every one of you from the heart of my bottom.

 

In my research to rediscover this latest review I ran across a Snopes fact checking article.  I'll refrain from reprinting the long article but the auction and it's seller have an interesting backstory as well. 

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/frock-of-the-town/

 

Enjoy,

- bob

 

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A little side note . . . . struck gold at the local Walmart by finding Rotella T4 in stock.  Bought 10 gal at $14.38 / gal. 

- bob

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