Bro. Deep, deep, deep. I will say this; I try hard not to burden my wife with me deepest thoughts. I wear her out with just my never ending projects. I need chaos, she seeks comfort. It works for us (30 yrs this year)
As for my sister, I’m both proud and scared for her. I’m proud that at 47 she did something for herself and put herself through nursing school. She did it all at night. Scared Because she has a very well paying job with her state. 8 more years and she could walk away, but her hearts not in it, so I understand.
I appreciate greatly your insight, and courage to speak it. Kinda bummed as I would love to sit down and Rock in a chair on a patio and swap stories.